Three lives, on disease. No way forward, no way back. Stuck in a limbo of false security, never knowing past or present. A shell, like a ghost, with no real purpose, where memories are etched onlt skin deep. They only know nothingness, a reality that is ony their's, no longer ours. Not knowing; now, then, forever.
A vacant smile surrounded by unfamiliar faces. You each call out, "who are you?" We talk a while, you smile again. As I leave the riom, you call again. "Thank you miss, it was good to meet you." My heart drowns in a sorrow never felt before, my eyes fade to black. But on my face is a sad smile that promises forever. I smile and wave, promising to come again, knowing next time you wont know who I am.
It seems the past is nothing more but that. For you'll never know what we had. I sigh and question my God. Is this apart of your plan? If so, I don't think I like it. Three lives, one end. It isn't fair.
"It's age that wears them down" they all seem to say. But they don't know, they watch but don't see. A fake smile plastered to fake faces, assuring me everything, yet giving nothing.
One, two, three. One after the other. Ironically building up in intensity. Least to most important, it seems, of my loves. One, two three.
Again I'm here, watching a shell, a hollow body of someone once great. A past so rich filled with adventure, joys, sorrow. Now gone from the one who needs them most. "
"Hello Miss, what's your name?" your child-like face killing my soul. I give it to you, knowing it will be forgotten in minutes to come. Your family, your flesh and blood. Only a stranger, nothing more, only less. No one important, at least to you. It's not your fault, I remind myself.
"I'll come tomorrow" I smile again, but only with my lips. The light in my eyes so long ago dead.
"What a sweet dear, I wish I had a granddaughter like you." So do I, I think to myself, so do I. I give you a hug, hanging on for more than eternity.
"It was nice meeting you Miss." My soul shatters into broken pieces, jagged and distorted. I smile again, fighting back the tears.
The next day I come to visit an empty bed. Hospital, they say, a chance slim to none. I panic, trying to make it in time, time for at least one more good bye. You don't awake, lying peacefully, only breathing, only just, on a machine. You open your eyes and look at me. You are confused.
"Hello Miss, who're you?" I die inside over and over again. You close your eyes and go to sleep, the nurse comes in and fusses about. My father comes in, panicked as I. You open your eyes again.
"Oh, hello. Miss, this is my son." She beams, so proud, so glad. I smile, I know, he is my father. My father frowns whilst I only smile. Let her think what she likes, I tell him with my eyes. He sighs and nods, and strokes your hair. You close your eyes for the final time. I watch in terror as your chest slows down, stops moving, not breathing. Still. I scream and cry, no longer can I smile. I can't pretend.
"I'm sorry," says the nurse and then the priest. then the people you remembered, a week later. I sit and stare at the length of oak, adorned with bats, our symbol for luck. A bitter smile crosses my face. Maybe next time you'll have some luck. Too bad, they say, it was meant to be. If you were God's plan, I think he stuffed up. The polished oak sits suspended over fresh, upturned earth. Garlands and wreaths of the most beautiful flowers befitting of a most beautiful soul. Lower and lower until you're one with the earth. Covered in flowers, rose petals and soil. I finally cry and scream, not caring if I look like a fool.
It feels too empty knowing you are gone. No more hugs, no more laughs, no more love-filled smiles. I am ushered away to face a new tomorrow. A tomorrow that doesn't include you, no longer a part of God's greater plan. But then again, was there any plan at all?
祖母。。。 我是非常哀伤的。。。 是因为我太爱你。。。 15.02.09
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vanessa_yee 
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